The flight to Tenerife South was uneventful, and it was only on arrival that I realised I had, as usual, managed to be the harbinger of bad weather. Gale force winds were sweeping the island, bringing torrential rain to the coastal areas and over a foot of snow to El Teide.

After an interesting, and sometimes hair-raising drive I arrived at the Maritim Hotel, situated close to Puerto de la Cruz on the North Coast. First impressions, albeit in the wind and the rain were not good, as the exterior reminded me of a 1960’s apartment block. However once inside, I was, not for the first time proven very wrong. The décor and ambience were splendid, and I was delighted by the genuine warmth and friendliness of the greeting by the hotel staff. Life was quickly restored by a beer and a steak, and not even the entertainment in the nightclub, which turned out to be by the Drifters (yes still alive and very good) could dampen my spirits. I forgot to mention, on arrival my virtuoso parking exhibition was obviously welcomed by the security staff and guests alike, but finally I got the vehicle vaguely straight, and they all went off to have a snigger somewhere else.

The next morning the rain had stopped, and the wind had abated, so I was able to explore the hotels splendid, if by now somewhat battered, gardens and enjoy a superb and well presented breakfast on the sheltered terrace. Then it was off to play golf at the Real Club at El Peñó, situated close to the airport at Tenerife North. By the time I had reached there it was back to torrential rain and gales, and it was obvious there would be no golf that day. The Real is the second oldest golf course in Spain, and would, I am sure, have been quite a challenge. It has, so I am assured, splendid views of both the mountains and the sea. Thanks to all the staff who watched from the window whilst I struggled to remove a large tree branch blocking the driveway entrance to the club, I really look forward to visiting again.

On my way back to the Maritim I paused at the wine museum (Casa Del Vino) at El Sauzal, which proved to be a splendid diversion and a pleasant way of learning about the wines of Tenerife. Finally back to the Maritim, where it was still windy, but thankfully now without rain. I took the hotels’ free shuttle bus the two kilometres into Puerto de la Cruz, passing the Loro Parque, a large zoo and botanical garden, which must be a compulsory day out if you have children of any age in your party. After a quick walk round the port area, and a look at the wide range of shops, I hopped back on the bus, and later that evening had an excellent meal in the á la carte restaurant. Next morning the sea was still lumpy, but the weather had turned milder, and the prospect for golf at Buenavista was good. A quick call by the hotel staff confirmed that it was fine, and playable, and so I took a short and very pleasant, forty minute drive to this Seve Ballesteros designed course situated in the North West corner of the island, on the edge of the Teno Regional Park area.

What a difference a day makes. The course was in very good condition, the staff throughout the club were exceptionally helpful and friendly, and even the seagulls welcomed me in their traditional manner. The course is 18 hole, 72 par with a 6019 metre length from the white tees, and 4932 from the red.

The course pivots around a well equipped club house, and the views are stunning from almost everywhere. The course has its’ own well hidden desalination plant which enables the course to maintain a high standard of watering throughout the year. There is also a natural swimming pool situated alongside the 16th fairway.

Following a pleasant time at Buenavista I drove across the mountains, an interesting experience, towards Los Gigantes, the 2,000foot cliffs that plummet to the sea. Then back to the airport, with a short detour to Abama, and a quick look at some of the other courses to be found in the Las Americas area.

Sadly the two day trip was at an end, but despite the weather I had a most enjoyable visit, with good golf, good food, and a very pleasant, relaxing hotel.

“It’s a long way, it’s hot , it’s full of flies and nasty things, it is dangerous, there is one hotel called(sorry I can’t remember its name), there is nothing to do, “beware the camels” (I have no idea), there is nowhere to play golf, you can’t get an alcoholic drink”. All these followed by improbable anecdotes and tales of woe.

So I have been, played golf, had a drink, and found things to do, and now I can try and put the record straight.

From Manchester Airport by a daily Etihad flight, it takes approximately six and a half hours. At least half the people on the flight were in transit to Thailand, Indonesia, Australia, and of course to other Middle Eastern destinations.

Abu Dhabi airport is the hub for the operations of Etihad, an airline equipped with a modern fleet of Boeing and Airbus airliners, all seemingly offering good legroom and great service in all classes. Processing at Abu Dhabi was swift, and in no time at all I was ready for my transport into the city. Our luggage arrived safely, which for the press troop, arriving from sundry airports, and mainly with golf clubs, was something of a first.

Ethiad
Ethiad is the flagship airline of the UAE (Abu Dhabi being the capital of the UAE), fly from London and Manchester, and are rumoured to be beginning operations from Birmingham shortly.

It’s so hot
No getting away from this one, it is after all on the Persian Gulf. The daytime temperature when I was there was thirtyfive degrees centigrade, with one day some five degrees higher, but all the public buildings are air-conditioned, there is plenty of shade to be had on the beaches, and even on the golf courses, and provided one is sensible the heat will not present a major problem. Having said that we did see holiday makers sitting “out in the mid-day sun”, and this did not seem to be very wise. Hats, sun cream with a high factor value and plenty of fluid intake is the order of the day, and try to avoid that mid-day sun.

It’s full of flies and nasty things
No it isn’t.

I will admit there are scorpions out in the desert, and I am told there are camel spiders and snakes, but I didn’t see any, nor did I go looking. We saw a number of lizards, all of which were harmless to humans, but probably not to the flies.

Beware of the camels
I never did find out why this warning came my way, all the camels I met seemed perfectly charming.

It’s dangerous.
I saw more gun toting policemen at Manchester airport than I did in Abu Dhabi, and the armed police that I did see had holstered side arms, mot wandering about with their fingers on the trigger of a Hechler and Koch MP5 sub machine gun. We had no problems walking around after dark, saw no evidence of any street crime, or felt threatened in any way. However do be careful crossing the roads.

There is one very expensive Hotel called “sorry, I can’t remember its name”.
It is called the Emirates Palace and is absolutely fantastic. And yes, it is expensive by Travel Lodge standards. However if you should be offered the opportunity to stay there, or even visit (they offer guided tours) then take it. It is physically imposing, with beautiful gardens, a most impressive interior, stunning restaurants and very comfortable rooms. You are greeted by no less a person than your personal butler, and the staff are attentive and very helpful. I happened to visit on the day of my birthday, and this was noticed by the reception staff when I registered. Later that evening an enormous chocolate and orange birthday cake, together with a bottle of champagne was left in my room with the compliments of the management. It’s that good.

If that is not to your taste, or pocket, then Abu Dhabi offers a wide range of accommodation including hotels operated by Hilton, Sheraton, Meridian, Grand Continental, Golden Tulip, and most of the other major chains, as well as having family run hotels. All seem to be furnished to a high standard, and offer a wide range of facilities.

There is nothing to do
Again this is a fair comment. Once you have been on a desert excursion in a 4×4vehicle, seen the belly dancing, had a henna tattoo,sailed offshore on a dhow, perhaps been to the horse or camel racing, seen a falconry display, gone sport fishing or done some sub aqua diving, shopped at either a traditional souk or an ultramodern mall, or sat about on the beach getting a tan there is absolutely nothing to do.

Unless you want to play golf, go horse or camel riding, visit a spa, eat, visit another of the Emirates (Dubai is only a little over two hours drive away), go on an excursion to the interior and visit an oasis such as Al Ain, then there is definitely nothing to do.

There is nowhere to play golf.
Abu Dhabi city itself has some three golf clubs, the Abu Dhabi Golf Club, the Al Ghazal Golf and Equestrian Club, with another course at Al Ain. Two more courses are planned over the next few years.

The Abu Dhabi Golf Club is situated a twenty five minute drive from the centre of the city, and approximately ten minutes from the International Airport. It features two courses, the eighteen hole National Course, and the nine hole Garden Course, both designed by Peter Harradine. The National Course is par 72: 7334 yard course with extensive water features, adequate shade facilities, some evil bunkers which held an almost magnetic attraction for me, and a most impressive club house.

One of the signature holes is the twelfth, described thus:-

“Hole 12, 183 yards par 3. Amid length par three over water to a long but narrow green with a landscaped rock wall back drop with date trees and shrubbery. Club selection is critical, as well as feel and control on this rollercoaster green”

In reality this means that if you under club you end up, as three of us did, in the water in front of the green, whilst if you over club as the other member of the four ball did, you hit the wall at the back of the green and rebound into the water. A challenging hole.

To complement the main championship course there is a nine hole, par 36 course that is described as being slightly more forgiving. As if any such golf course could forgive. In addition to these two courses there are extensive facilities such as swimming pools, a gymnasium, tennis and squash courts, spa and sauna, practice greens for both chipping and putting, practice bunkers,(I learnt of this a little too late) and bars restraints, and a conference room. There is also a Golf Academy.

Note, taking to take a short cut across a sand strip to retrieve a wayward ball may result in having to get a tractor to tow out your buggy, and cost you a round of drinks to shut the others up.

The Al Ghazal Golf Club is a sand course, with browns instead of greens, bunkers made of sand, water hazards and often rock-hard fair- ways. You do not play in spikes as these have an adverse effect on the browns, which are made of sand and oil, you do take with you a piece of astro- turf to place your ball on, you do drink lots of water, and wear a hat and sunglasses to protect your eyes from the glare, and you most definitely have a great deal of fun.

The browns/greens if swept correctly are extremely fast and true, and you are advised to roll up to the greens , as any high pitch will drop, and form a nice little egg cup. Players must also contend with the numerous burrows dug by desert lizards, known as dhubs. These burrows may also house scorpions, so do not go ferreting about in them.

This golf course is regarded as one of the best sand golf courses in the world; and the World Sand Golf Championships recently took place on this course, and will do so again in 2007.

The Club also has a state of the art academy, a sports field which is now home to the Abu Dhabi Football Academy. There is also a health club equipped with gym sauna steam room and Jacuzzi. There are three tennis courts and two multi courts where basket ball, five aside football and volley ball can be played.

The club and its staff are very welcoming, and the club house is a home from home, especially if you have a bar in your home. The course is situated close to the airport, but there was no real discernable noise to interrupt play.

The Abu Dhabi Golf and Equestrian Club is located in the Al Mushrif area, just ten minutes from the city centre, with the complex consisting of an international standard racecourse, with racing conditions that are comparable to anywhere in the world; together with a spectacular show jumping arena, in which an obstacle similar to the famous Hickstead Bank has been constructed, along with a natural water jump that adds to the variety of the show-jumping events that take place throughout the season. The Abu Dhabi Equestrian Club has a riding school attached to it.

For the golfer there is a 9hole grass surfaced golf course in the middle of the race course, which is equipped with floodlighting, enabling play before sunrise, and after sunset. In addition the Golf Academy includes a large driving range available to all, and lessons are available from the Club’s golf professionals. The club also has tennis courts and a swimming pool. The course has a number of interesting hazards, including a large lake, and a race course which is used for exercising some very expensive bloodstock. Race meetings are frequent during the summer months.

There is also a nine hole course attached to the Hilton Hotel at Al Ain, but I am saving that for my next visit.

You cannot get an alcoholic drink.
Oh yes you can, all the hotels, and the golf clubs that are affiliated to the hotels, can serve alcohol; to adults, all reasonably priced, and this includes some quite drinkable beer and larger.

Finally, there was a comment that it is very expensive to visit and play golf in Abu Dhabi. A number if tour operators have begun to offer holidays in Abu Dhabi, including Thompson Worldwide, Etihad Holidays, and letgo2.com, who can provide a tailor made holiday. In addition hotels such as Sheraton and Hilton offer stop-over golf breaks.

So the verdict, would I go again? Yes is the straight answer, with no provisos or qualms. I found the whole experience very pleasant, very refreshing, and I was able to dispel the pre- conceptions of a late night in a golf club bar, where all decisions are routinely taken. There is good golf, it is easy to get to, reasonably priced, and it’s warm. What more could you need?

Once I arrived the ground staff was also courteous and efficient, officialdom was not bad, and soon I was on my way, being driven through sugar cane fields to the Heritage Golf and Spa complex, situated on the South of the island at Bel Ombre.

The welcome was startling, as we drove through the gates a drumming noise started, culminating in a crescendo as we stopped at the main entrance. A very memorable reception; I have been drummed out of places before, but never drummed in. We learned later that this was the hotels way of greeting guests, and pretty soon you knew when anyone had arrived.

Then a welcome drink, check-in formalities completed whilst sitting on a very large and comfortable sofa, and then off to my room, a very welcome shower, and then off to breakfast. What a great way to start the tour.

The hotel with its beach front, its’ numerous pools, and other leisure facilities was playing host to a golf tournament, and so later in the day I visited the Golf du Chateau course to see what I was up against. We journalists were arriving the day before we began play; the professionals arrived a little earlier.

The course was in first class condition, and my play at the practice ground was really very good. I just knew that I was going to play well the next day.

How wrong can you be?

Back to the hotel, and the pre tournament briefing; I found that my tee time was 0800, an ungodly hour for me. I am not a morning person.

Next day I was up bright and early, with only the teeniest suggestion of a hangover, (blaming it on Jet-lag doesn’t really wash, Mauritius is only four hours ahead of the UK) I sallied forth onto the practice ground at 0730, played my best golf of the day, and went to find my buggy and my playing partners. And so play began. Suffice it to say that I saw parts of the course that even the designers probably didn’t know existed, lost a goodly number of balls, kept my temper, just, and had the sort of game best forgotten, but sadly etched in the memory.

Everyone else had a great game, and they were so very patient, offered lots of good advice and were all very kind. But it was to no avail, I had a bad, bad day. The course was great, the greens were fast, and the man with the drinks cart frequently appeared. The sun shone and everything was really very pleasant, if we discount the golf, which was what the scorer did.

Next day was a little better; I didn’t lose as many balls as I had on the first day, and managed a reasonable score, at least by my normal standard. However, because of my first day, and the fact that I am not very good any way, I came last.

Just one note, one hole lay in wait just for me. It was the fifth, a par four downhill, and 291 meter dog –leg with a raised green. What fun. I hit my drive from the green just to a point where a large piece of rock reared out of the ground, and it, of course, hit said mountain, careering off into the tall, sharp, dense grass and was out of bounds. My playing partner hit a similar drive, hit the same rock, bounced the other way and was perfectly placed for an easy approach shot. Me, I finally got there and then watched my putt gather momentum as it rolled round the rim of the hole, and disappear over the edge of a precipice that was lurking at the back of the green. I won’t prolong the agony, mine at least. But that was the sort of day I was having. Notwithstanding that, the course was great and I can’t wait to get back on it, because I know that I can do better.

Not only that, but the views are stunning, the weather great, and the wildlife interesting, and all the staff at the clubhouse very welcoming, efficient, and knowledgeable.

There is also, in the centre of the course, an excellent 9 hole, par 3 course. I did ever so well on this one, and even broke par on the 89 meter 8^th. Boy was I overjoyed.

Wildlife
As you would expect for a course in the tropics there was abundant wildlife, and we were assured this did not involve snakes.

On the course there were many birds, giant snails (which, as my playing partner Kirsty, found out, make a horrible crunching noise when you run over them with a trolley, not a buggy) “It jumped out at me” is not an excuse.

There are also large chameleons, lizards, hares, and a troupe of monkeys who apparently take up occasional residence on the 13^th and 14^th and barrack the players.

With regards to the birdlife, we asked one of the caddies the name of some of the birds, and were enlightened to learn that anything larger than a thrush was a “pidgon”, anything red was a “cardinal”, and everything else was a “petit oisseau”. I finally bought a bird book and found that we had mynah birds, parakeets, shrikes cardinals, and a pink pigeon, crows, sparrows, and kestrels for company.

The club is planning to erect some information boards around the course which will help the golfer to identify the wild-life.

Being journalists we managed to visit the local rum distillery, had a lazy time by the pool with a bar directly beside it, enjoyed visits to the spa for massages and general treatments, and ate superb food. I understand that some of my colleagues found a drink called Rum Vanilla, comprising of a lot of rum, a little vanilla, and some raisins soaked in rum and vanilla. I am led to believe it is quite drinkable, and offers only a mild hang-over to the recipient, after “quite a few”. I had a mild hangover twice.

The hotel cannot be praised enough; it is a great place to get away from it all, and most of all to RELAX. Sadly all good things come to an end, as the cliché would have it, but not before a pleasant flight back across Africa. Then it was freezing Heathrow on Friday evening, the M 25, the train back to North Wales, and memories.

One other thing, the tournament was won by Kirsty Louden, (of Lady Golfer, Peebles, and snail crunching) and I finished. The medal, well, actually, everybody got one, but I am very proud of mine, and determined to do better.

Thanks to Air Mauritius, the Varanda Resorts Group, and to all the friendly management and staff of Heritage Hotel, and the Golf du Chateau.

They can provide a warning system that will tell you to take cover if lightning is headed your way. Of course, if it does come, you should also have your phone switched off.

After some diligent research, involving County Archives, old Ordnance survey maps, very Old Golfers and  guide books, I have managed to  compile information on a number of these courses.

Great Orme

The Great Orme Hotel and Golf Course, based on the former Telegraph Station at the top of the Orme, was established in approximately 1908. The course comprised of an 18 hole course, and a hotel of some XX bedrooms. The course, which was advertised as having stunning views towards Anglesey and Snowdonia, was completely enclosed by a 7 foot high dry stone wall. The object of this was to secure the site from sheep, day trippers and  others who might interfere with the pleasure of the golfer

Trefiw

Next to the cemetery on  Fford YYYY was the Trefiw course, a “compact” nine hole course which operated from 19** until 192&, when it was abandoned. The club house was purchased by a local farmer and moved to a site alongside the Afon Conwy in Trefiw, where it can still be seen, in a somewhat dilapidated condition, serving as a cow byre.

Colwyn Heights

Llanberis

Conwy Oakwood Hotel

According to Lawrence Donegan, in his brilliant book Four-iron in the soul, a caddy needs all of the following attributes:

• the golfing brain of Jack Nicklaus,
• a thick skin,
• the psychological sophistication of a £500-an-hour shrink,
• low cunning,
• the motivational powers of a five-star general,
• a robust constitution,
• strong legs,
• the organisational skills of a Psion 3a,
• loyalty, and
• guile.

Donegan should know what he’s talking about, because he became a caddy for pro-golfer Ross Drummond for a season, travelling with him on the European Tour from end to end. Donegan’s book is an eyeopening account of what really goes on behind the scenes. The world that caddies live in turns out to be a rather dark place, but lit by bursts of adventure and hilarity. It seems that caddies are mostly a weary, cynical, resentful lot. They cope by gathering together with other caddies, drinking heavily, and swapping stories about how useless are the very golfers who pay their wages.

In fairness, it can’t be an easy life being a caddy. They are hired and fired on a whim, blamed for talking too much, or too little, or wincing, or smirking, or standing in the wrong place, or breathing at just the wrong moment. Not to mention recommending the wrong club, or judging the wind direction wrongly, or not finding a lost ball.

When Donegan began working for Drummond he didn’t know much about what the role entailed, but he managed to get the job by sheer naïvety and enthusiasm. Drummond told him “I’ve never really had much faith in caddies, they always let you down. It’s almost as if they want to let you down on purpose, make you sack them so they can go and work for a more successful player.” At the end of the season, after Donegan had caddied for him in Cape Town, Morocco, Portugal, Madeira, Madrid, Versailles, Valderrama and a lot more places besides, he admitted that he still didn’t know how to be a ‘proper’ caddy even then, let alone a perfect one.

But perhaps the perfect caddy does indeed exist. Enter Asimo. Asimo is a robot that could become the most flawless golfing companion imaginable. Let’s measure it against Donegan’s checklist. Strong legs? No problem there – solid metal. Thick skin? Certainly – solid metal once again. organisational skills? Sure – it’s a computer on legs, for heaven’s sake. It could organise the entire Ryder Cup.

So far so good. But what about the rest of the checklist? Expecting a robot to have the golfing skills of Jack Nicklaus is clearly a bit of a stretch. On the other hand, Asimo watches and learns without ever tiring. It sees where the ball goes, and could calculate and locate its position with accuracy. So,during the time it takes you to lick your finger and put it into the air in a pretence that you know how to judge the weather, Asimo has calmly calculated the exact distance to play, the precise wind direction and strength, the difference in height between you and the green, the moisture level of the ground, the length and type of grass, and about a hundred other little things that you hadn’t thought of, including the technical specifications of the clubs and the ball you happen to be using that day. Before your finger is even dry, Asimo has done more calculations than you will do in a lifetime, chosen precisely the right club for the occasion, and given it a nice little polish.

Let’s see what else was on the list. Robust constitution? Look, Asimo has a robot constitution, which is presumably as robust as you can get. Certainly more than a caddy with a hangover. Loyalty? Certainly. In fact, Asimo will never bad-mouth you in its life. It will always be there for you. From early morning practice sessions to late night chores such as cleaning your golf shoes for the following day, Asimo is your faithful assistant.

But how about those psychological and motivational powers? The ideal caddy has to be able to lift your game and get you through the low times.How can a robot do that?

For my money,Asimo wins on that count as well. Look, do you really want a £500-an-hour shrink shadowing you around a golf course for five hours? Just imagine what would happen when you make a terrible shot. Out of the corner of your eye you would see your psychiatrist weighing up how to say something motivational to you, when all you want is dignified silence. I once heard of a man who hit his shrink over the head with a paperweight, causing a large bump to appear. “Shrink that!”, he said triumphantly.

No, a £500-an-hour psychiatrist is the last thing you need. If you do meet one, I recommend you buy him a house and run off. It will be cheaper that way.

Asimo The Loyal Robot, however, is a different proposition entirely. Compared with the average playing partner it would be glorious. No fatuous comments, no gratuitous remarks, no smirks or grimaces or whistlings through clenched teeth or feeble hoppings from foot to foot or any of the other peculiar things that caddies and partners do when you play an appalling shot. They say “Oh, bad luck!”, when the truth is that you simply played like a fool. In contrast, Asimo stands discretely on the sidelines, watching with quiet enthusiasm where the ball disappears to, and makes absolutely no editorial comment to make on the subject. No disdain, no boredom, no impatience, no clumsy attempts to cheer you on, nothing. The silence is not of someone thinking you’re an idiot and not saying – It is the peace of a colleague who is incapable of having such thoughts in the first place. Bliss.

What’s more, you could program Asimo to recognise a superb shot when it does eventually see one. So, on that rare occasion you would hear the phrase “Oh,well done! Nice work there!” and know that these aren’t the words of someone who really means “You lucky little squirt” or “You couldn’t repeat that shot in a thousand tries, not even if I offered you everything I own.” No, when Asimo says “Well done” it really would mean “Well done”, based on completely objective criteria. No need for false modesty in response – it really was a brilliant shot. How wonderful it would be to have such a colleague, cheerfully sharing your journey with you, never tiring, never losing faith in you. How great to have a caddy who not only doesn’t mind when you are grumpy but who doesn’t even notice when you are.

It’s hard to think of a negative side to such a chum. Would Asimo get rusty if it rained? Not if you gave it waterproofs. What if its battery runs down? Simply place emergency spare ones at strategic points along the course, perhaps next to the refreshment stands. By the way, it turns out that Asimo’s battery is located in its belly. At refreshment times, therefore, you both fill your stomachs and, refreshed, carry on.

But what if everyone bought such a robot, thus removing your cunningly-won advantage? Simple. You would all settle down to enjoy the game. Golf would enter a new Civilised Age, where everyone would have the most polite assistants imaginable, a personal Jeeves but without the all-knowing twitch of the upper lip. Who wouldn’t rather like having an intelligent servant on hand 24 hours a day, and without need of guilt. Discrete,supportive, useful, steadfast. Life would be pretty good, don’t you think?

But how realistic is all this? Does Asimo exist? Yes. Asimo is indeed real. There aren’t many around, but as I write these words there is at least one in Britain.What does it look like? When you encounter it for the first time you are struck by its short stature. It is only 1.2m high, about four feet tall. But what mostly strikes you is its undoubted humanness. You find yourself quickly forgetting it’s a robot at all, because it moves like a little person. In fact, like a boy.

Why a boy and not a girl? It’s hard to tell. Perhaps having a name ending in ‘o’ leads you into that direction. Either way, this little character has personality when it moves. It’s partly the arms, the way they are bent in a serious and determined way, like the arms of a little chap proudly walking onto the stage in a school hall on prize-giving day. He seems to lean forward slightly, eager to discover what life is about, but silent and good-mannered in a way that no actual child is today.

Actual children of Asimo’s height today watch Celebrity Love Island on their personal TV sets in their bedrooms, thus learning how to become annoying when they grow up. In contrast, Asimo is the model child that listens and watches and learns, doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t binge-drink, doesn’t present you with mobile phone bills, doesn’t demand expensive clothes, and doesn’t swear at you or say “Do you think I’m bothered?”

You cannot help smiling at Asimo. I think that anyone who doesn’t smile when watching him must be another robot. Perhaps this is how you tell people and robots apart.

Asimo is better natured than most people. You, perhaps. He also has a longer attention span than you have, and is quite possibly an altogether better person than you have ever dreamed of becoming.This makes him a role-model.

When he walks, he moves his hips the way a person does. His is not the walk of clunky robots we see in movies, like the one in Star Wars, the tall one with the annoying voice and the stiff action. Asimo moves in a way that can only be described as pleasing. You have to see it to believe it. There’s a website that shows him following a lady across a room. He keeps a respectful distance behind her. She then stops and turns. Asimo stops too, then seems to think for a moment and then takes a small step back in order to maintain the respectful distance.

In another sequence he is walking towards a lady and she raises her hand as if to ask him to stop. He obediently stops. In yet another video, she keeps walking into his path and he has to repeatedly walk around her. He never seems to get irritated by this.

When someone nods to him, he nods politely back. When someone holds out a hand, he shakes it with earnest courtesy. He once shook the hand with the Prime Minister of Belgium, which is something.

When Asimo walks, he walks with a cheerful eagerness and a strangely naïve deference, but also, perhaps, a hint of wistfulness. I have seen people’s eyes well up when confronting Asimo for the first time. I completely understand. Perhaps it has been so long since we have seen well-behaved children that we find ourselves melting a little at such a sight, drifting off for a moment into a Victorian romantic land of unfeasibly good manners.Yet all we are doing is peering at a robot. Who would have predicted it?

But the big question is: could Asimo really be a caddy? Yes, I think so, one day. He can already walk on sloping surfaces, including carpets, so a well-manicured course should be no problem for him. He could be programmed to select the optimum club, taking into account wind and weather conditions deduced from sensors that can be attached to his body. He can watch where the ball went and help you find it.

All of this is perfectly possible today.

Not only can he walk, but – be amazed at this – he can run. Really. Admittedly we’re not talking about a fast sprinter here. Asimo runs at about 3km per hour. But running it is, and he avoids bumping into people and falling into holes. It’s quite a sight.

He could also pull a golf cart. At this point I need to admit a little creative licence with some of the photographs we show here: we have brazenly taken liberties by retouching them slightly, placing golf clubs in his back pack. In reality, his back pack today is full of computer equipment. One day, with future miniaturisation, our photo could easily become real. One day, he will be able to walk in rough grass and tell you amusing anecdotes to help pass the time, and judge your mood from your body language and the electromagnetic waves emitted from your body. One day, he will be not only the perfect caddy but a perfect assistant, cooking your food, mixing your drinks, babysitting your children, cleaning your house and car, ironing your clothes, walking your dog, filling in your tax forms and driving you to work. One fine day all these nice things will happen.
But not quite yet. In fact, Asimo is not yet available for purchase. He is participating in various research projects, and occasionally he wows crowds at science museums and as the star guest at store openings, particularly car showroom openings. Honda car showrooms, to be precise. Honda created Asimo. He walks about, shakes people’s hands, bows, walks up and down stairs, learns his way around, holds a tray of drinks, and generally acts the part of the perfect assistant. But it will take time for someone to program him to be a caddy,and until then you will have to be a little patient.

When that day comes, the golfing powers-that-be will have to decide what Asimo actually is. As a caddy he can advise you on golf club selection. But as a mechanical device, he can’t. It’s a tough decision for the authorities to make, but it’s my bet that the public demand for such the perfect caddy will be overwhelming. A living, walking, charming, dependable character who everyone will want at their side at all times, in fact. I don’t know if Bobby Jones would have approved, but we have changed a little since those days. Today, we are the We Want It Now generation. Try stopping us.

My only hope is that Asimo continues to be trained in pleasing ways. It would be tragic if he learns attitudes from people around him. Imagine if he suddenly throws your clubs into the lake, swears at you, and walks off. “You’re fired!” you shout. “Do you think I’m bothered?” would be his reply, as he
disappears towards the bar.

www.world.honda.com/ASIMO

PGA EUROPEAN TOUR
May 29-1 June
HypoVereinsbank Ladies German Open
presented by Audi
Golfpark Gut Häusern, Nr.Munich, Germany

June 6-June 8
NETHERLANDS ABN AMRO Ladies Open
Eidhovensche Golf,Valkenswaard, Holland

June 13-June 15
Ladies Open of Portugal
Quinta da Ria,Vila Nova de Cacela,
Algarve, Portugal

June 19-June 22
Tenerife Ladies Open
Golf Costa Adeje, Adeje,Tenerife, Spain

July 4-July 6
The Oxfordshire Ladies English Open
The Oxfordshire Golf Club,
Thame,Oxfordshire, England

July 11-July13
AIB Ladies Irish Open
Portmarnock Hotel & Golf Links, Portmarnock, Co.
Dublin, Ireland

July 17-July 20
BMW Ladies Italian Open
Argentario Golf Resort & Spa, Porto Ercole,
Tuscany, Italy

July 24-July 27
EVIAN MASTERS
Evian Masters GC, Evian-Les-Bains, France

July 31-Aug 3
RICOH WOMEN’S BRITISH OPEN
Sunningdale Golf Club, Berkshire, England

Aug 7-Aug 10
Scandinavian TPC hosted by Annika
Frösåker G&CC, Västerås, Sweden

Aug 14-Aug 17
S4C Wales Ladies Championship of Europe
Machynys Peninsula Golf & Country Club,
Carmarthenshire,Wales

Aug 22-Aug 24
SAS Masters
Haga Golf Course, Oslo,Norway

Aug 29-Aug 31
Finnair Masters
Helsinki Golf Club,Tali, Finland

Sept 5-Sept 7
DENMARK Nykredit Masters
Simons Golf Klub, Kvistgaard,Denmark

Sept 11-Sept 14
UNIQA Ladies Golf Open presented by Raiffeisen
Golfclub Föhrenwald,Wiener,Neustadt, Austria

Sept 18-Sept 21
Göteborg Masters
Lycke Golf Club, Gothenburg, Sweden

Sept 25-Sept 28
Vediorbis Open de France Dames
Golf d’Arras,Nord-Pas de Calais, France
(date and venue to be confirmed)
Ladies Masters SPAIN Madrid

Nov 13-Nov16
Korean Ladies Masters
(Venue TBC)

Dec 3-Dec 6
EMAAR-MGF Ladies Masters
Eagleton Golf Resort, Bidadi
(Banaglore Rural), India

Dec 10-Dec 13
Dubai Ladies Masters
Emirates Golf Course, (Majlis Course),Dubai, U.A.E.

29 May-01 Jun
The Celtic Manor Wales Open
The Celtic Manor Resort,Newport,Wales

05 Jun-08 Jun
Bank Austria Golf Open
presented by Telekom Austria
Fontana GC,Vienna, Austria

12 Jun-15 Jun
US OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP
Torrey Pines GC, La Jolla, California, USA

12 Jun-15 Jun
SAINT-OMER OPEN presented by NEUFLIZE OBC
Saint Omer GC, St Omer, France

19 Jun-22 Jun
BMW International Open
Golfclub München Eichenried,Munich, Germany

26 Jun-29 Jun
Open de France ALSTOM
Le Golf National, Paris, France

03 Jul-06 Jul
European Open
The London Golf Club, Ash, Kent, England

10 Jul-13 Jul
The Barclays Scottish Open
Loch Lomond, Glasgow, Scotland

17 Jul-20 Jul
137th OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP
Royal Birkdale, Southport, Lancashire, England

24 Jul-27 Jul
Inteco Russian Open Golf Championship 2008
Le Meridien Moscow CC,Moscow, Russia

31 Jul-03 Aug
WGC - Bridgestone Invitational
Firestone C.C., Akron,Ohio, USA

07 Aug-11 Aug
US PGA CHAMPIONSHIP
Oakland Hills GC, Bloomfield Township,
Michigan, USA

14 Aug-7 Aug
SAS Masters
Arlandastad GC, Stockholm, Sweden

21 Aug-24 Aug
The KLM Open
Kennemer G&CC, Zandvoort,Netherlands

28 Aug-31 Aug
Johnnie Walker Championship at Gleneagles
Gleneagles, Perthshire, Scotland

04 Sep-07 Sep
Omega European Masters
Crans-sur-Sierre GC, Switzerland

11 Sep-14 Sep
Mercedes-Benz Championship
Gut Lärchenhof, Cologne, Germany

19 Sep-21 Sep
The Ryder Cup
Valhalla GC, Louisville, Kentucky, USA

25 Sep-28 Sep
Quinn Insurance British Masters
The Belfry,West Midlands, England

02 Oct-05 Oct
Alfred Dunhill Links Championship
St Andrews, Carnoustie & Kingsbarns, Fife, Scotland

09 Oct-12 Oct
World Match Play Championship
Wentworth Club,Virginia Water, Surrey, England

09 Oct-12 Oct
Madrid Masters
Club de Campo Villa de Madrid,Madrid, Spain

16 Oct-19 Oct
Portugal Masters
Oceânico Victoria Clube de Golfe,
Vilamoura, Portugal

23 Oct-26 Oct
Comunitat Valenciana Masters
Castellón Costa Azahar
Club de Campo del Mediterráneo, Castellón, Spain

30 Oct-02 Nov
Volvo Masters
Valderrama, Sotogrande, Sotogrande, Cadiz, Spain

27 Nov-30 Nov
Omega Mission Hills World Cup
Mission Hills Golf Club, China

SENIORS TOUR
30 May-01 Jun
Parkridge Polish Seniors Championship
Krakow Valley Golf and Country Club,
Krakow, Poland

06 Jun-08 Jun
Jersey Seniors Classic
La Moye GC, Channel Islands

13 Jun-15 Jun
Ryder Cup Wales Seniors Open
Conwy (Caernarfonshire) GC,Wales

20 Jun-22 Jun
Irish Seniors Open
Ballyliffin GC, Co.Donegal, Ireland

04 Jul-06 Jul
Russian Seniors Open
Pestovo Golf & Yacht Club,Moscow, Russia

24 Jul-27 Jul
The Senior Open Championship
presented by MasterCard
Royal Troon GC, Ayrshire, Scotland

31 Jul-03 Aug
US Senior Open
Broad Moor GC, Colorado Springs, USA

08 Aug-10 Aug
Bad Ragaz PGA Seniors Open
Golf Club Bad Ragaz, Switzerland

21 Aug-24 Aug
The De Vere Collection PGA
Seniors Championship
Hunting Course,De Vere Slaley Hall,
Northumberland, England

29 Aug-31 Aug
Travis Perkins plc Senior Masters
Duke’s Course,Woburn GC, England

Sep 05-Sep 07
Casa Serena Open
Casa Serena Golf, Prague, Czech Republic

12 Sep-14 Sep
Weston Homes PGA International Seniors
The Stoke By Nayland Club, Suffolk, England

26 Sep-28 Sep
Scottish Seniors Open
Marriott Dalmahoy Hotel & CC, Edinburgh, Scotland

10 Oct-12 Oct
Italian Seniors Open
Palazzo Arzaga Hotel, Spa & Golf Resort,
Lake Garda, Italy

31 Oct-02 Nov
Indian Senior Masters
TBA,Delhi, India

07 Nov-09 Nov
Seniors Tour Championship
TBA,TBC

13 Nov-14 Nov
EST Qualifying School Stage 1 - Pinheiros Altos
Pinheiros Altos Golf Club, Algarve, Portugal

13 Nov-14 Nov
EST Qualifying School Stage 1 - Quinta de Cima
Quinta de Cima Golf, Algarve, Portugal

17 Nov-20 Nov
EST Qualifying School Finals
Pinta Course, Pestana Golf Resort, Portugal

CHALLENGE TOUR
29 May-01 Jun
Oceânico Group Pro-Am Challenge
Marriott Worsley Park Hotel & CC, Greater
Manchester, England

05 Jun-08 Jun
Reale Challenge de España
Casino Club de Golf Retamares,Madrid, Spain

12 Jun-15 Jun
SAINT-OMER OPEN presented by NEUFLIZE OBC
Aa Saint Omer GC, Lumbres, France

12 Jun-15 Jun
SK Golf Challenge
St Laurence Golf, Finland

19 Jun-2 Jun
Telenet Trophy
Limburg G&CC, Houthalen, Belgium

26 Jun-29 Jun
Scottish Challenge
Macdonald Cardrona Hotel G&CC, Scotland

03 Jul-06 Jul
AGF-Allianz EurOpen de Lyon
Golf du Governeur,Monthieux, France

10 Jul-13 Jul
Credit Suisse Challenge
Wylihof GC, Luterbach, Switzerland

17 Jul-20 Jul
MAN NÖ Open
GC Adamstal, Ramsau, Austria

24 Jul-27 Jul
Ryder Cup Wales Challenge
Vale Hotel Golf and Spa Resort, Cardiff,
Vale of Glamorgan,Wales

31 Jul-03 Aug
Challenge of Ireland presented by Glasson
Glasson Golf Hotel & CC, Athlone, Ireland

07 Aug-10 Aug
Lexus Open
Moss & Rygge GK,Dilling,Norway

14 Aug-17 Aug
Trophée du Golf Club de Genève
GC de Genève, Switzerland

14 Aug-17 Aug
Vodafone Challenge
G&CC An der Elfrather Mühle,Dusseldorf, Germany

21 Aug-24 Aug
Ypsilon Golf Challenge
Ypsilon Golf Resort, Liberec, Czech Republic

28 Aug-31 Aug
ECCO Tour Championship
Kokkedal GK , Copenhagen,Denmark

04 Sep-07 Sep
Challenge of Sweden
Hills GC, Gothenburg, Sweden

11 Sep-14 Sep
Qingdao Golf Open
Qingdao Huashan Golf & Resort, Qingdao, China

18 Sep-21 Sep
Kazakhstan Open
Nurtau GC, Almaty, Kazakhstan

25 Sep-28 Sep
The Dutch Futures
GC Houtrak, Netherlands

02 Oct-05 Oct
AGF-Allianz Open de Toulouse
Golf de Toulouse-Seilh, Seilh, France

09 Oct-12 Oct
TBA
TBC,TBC

16 Oct-19 Oct
Toscana Open Italian Federation Cup
Le Pavoniere G&CC, Prato, Italy

23 Oct-26 Oct
Apulia San Domenico Grand Final

Indeed, the evidence suggests that many are doing just that. For, only a few months after Michelin-starred chef-proprietor Tom Kitchin celebrated the first anniversary of the eponymous restaurant he and his wife Michaela opened and launched on a wing and prayer on Leith’s fashionable Commercial Quay, The Kitchin now boasts a full house most nights of the week, with Saturdays booked up as early as two months in advance.

The popularity of The Kitchin might have something to do with the restaurant gaining a highly acclaimed Michelin star only six months after opening, making Tom Kitchin the youngest ever Scottish Chef, at the age of 29, to be awarded one.

That coveted accolade recognised that The Kitchin’s recipe for success is founded on slavish attention to detail and an all-consuming passion both for the cuisine and the restaurant’s front of house with great emphasis placed on product knowledge and staff training. Much attention has been given to creating a carefully-chosen wine menu – a selection which has almost trebled from its original offer of around 50.

Despite its enviable position at the pinnacle of Edinburgh’s elite fine dining circuit, the ambience of the dining room and style of service is determinedly relaxed and informal – although with smart traditional flourishes intended to convey the overall quality of the offer.

In other words, contrary to what you might have thought,The Kitchin is in fact the perfect way to finish off a round of golf.

Tom Kitchin was born in Edinburgh and brought up in Kinross. After training in a local hotel and Gleneagles Hotel, he spent nearly five years working for the legendary Pierre Koffmann in the three Michelin-starred La Tante Claire in London, during which time Koffmann became both a friend and mentor.

Tom also worked and trained at the three-star Restaurant Guy Savoy in Paris, and spent two years at Alain Ducasse’s renowned three-star Louis XV restaurant in Monte Carlo. He was also Executive Chef for Sir Anthony and Lady Bamford.

Tom and his Swedish wife Michaela, who herself trained with The Savoy Group in London and worked at the super luxurious Burj Al Arab in Dubai, opened their own restaurant The Kitchin in Leith in June 2006. After only seven months, the restaurant was awarded a Michelin star in January 2007 – an exceptionally rapid recognition. At the age of 29,Tom Kitchin became the youngest ever Scottish chef to hold a Michelin star.

New Star Asset Management today announced the names of the 2008 LET New Star Rookies. Lydia Hall for Wales, Emma Cabrera-Bello for Spain and Vittoria Valvassori for Italy will each wear New Star branded clothing when they compete throughout the season.

As part of its sponsorship of the Ladies European Tour Money List,New Star contributes £50,000 to the annual player bonus pool.The New Star Rookies are given £10,000 each to help them in their first year as professional golfers; the remaining £20,000 is awarded to the winner of the order of merit.

Commenting on this year’s New Star Rookies, Richard Wilson,Marketing Director at New Star Asset Management, said:“The UK, Spain and Italy are all important markets for us and we are delighted to be able to support a player from each of these countries. We wish all of the New Star Rookies success during their first season on the LET.”

Alexandra Armas, Executive Director of the Ladies European Tour, said:“I would like to thank New Star Asset Management for its vision and continued support of the Ladies European Tour and the New Star Rookies. By sponsoring players at the beginning of their professional careers, New Star is helping to give them the best possible start to life on tour.

“We have seen tremendous performances from the rookies over the last few years and we expect to see the level raised again in the coming year.”

For further information on the New Star Rookies, please contact:

Jill Maxwell
PR Manager WSM Sponsorship
Telephone: 020 7590 7520
Email: Jill.Maxwell@WSMSponsorship.com

For further information on New star Asset Management, please contact:

Trina Arthur
International PR Manager
Telephone: +44 20 7225 9574
Email: tarthur@newstaram.com

For further information on the Ladies European Tour, please go to:
www.ladieseuropeantour.com

IMPORTANT INFORMATION
For your protection, telephone calls are recorded and may be monitored. Issued in the UK by New Star Asset Management Limited. Authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority.

Prior to this you have reported to the starter, met your caddies, been announced to a small, but enthusiastic “gallery” of Italian tourists, and stood around trying to keep warm. St Andrews in early April is not the warmest spot on the map. And then you are away.You mutter a silent prayer “Please, Lord let me get away from here with a decent drive.”And the drive was good, as were those of my playing companions. And so, marching down the fairway with the caddie laconically murmuring “you’ll get your colour back soon”.

Second shots however were slightly different, with my ball showing an uncanny desire to enter the Swill Can Burn, another player going out of bounds to the left, a third player joining me in the burn and the fourth player chipping way over the green. It could only get better, please.

But I am getting ahead of myself. The original purpose of the visit to St Andrews was to “play the Old Course backwards”. The Old Course was originally played the opposite way round to the way it is played today, with players starting on what is now the 18th fairway and playing to the 17th green. They then played from today’s 18th tee to the present-day 16th green and so on. When they reached the turn, they played back the way they had come.

Tom Morris created the present first green in the 1870s and thus the anti-clockwise route became an alternative. In the late 19th and the early 20th century players alternated between the left hand circuit and the right hand circuit on a weekly basis until gradually the right-hand, or anticlockwise, began to prevail. (It must have been quite interesting should you have forgotten what week it was.)

As a result of the change many of the bunkers are not visible from the tee and are clearly positioned to threaten shots from the opposite direction.The clockwise route is now offered for a couple of days at the beginning of April each year.

In order to achieve this the course largely uses temporary tees and one occasionally shares a green. As you have great difficulty viewing the flag from many of these tees then it can make for an interesting round.

My advice is to invest in at least one caddie per party, he, or she, can make the day go considerably better when you are not “flying blind”.The St Andrews Links Trust publish an excellent booklet on the “reverse Course”, study it before you play, and not find out about it when you are beginning the bragging in the bar after the event.

Playing the course in reverse was a great experience, but not one your would put a card in from.

Just some other points about the Monday game. It was like playing in a war zone, with RAF Leuchars playing “touch and go” with their Tornados, helicopters and several other unidentifiable warplanes, whilst over the water at Carnoustie the live firing range used by the Army was having a machine gun day. Just to assist the quiet day out in the country the quarry on the hills in the distance was continually blasting. According to Alan, one of our caddies, ” it is worse when they have the air show”. But not when they have any tournaments that are televised world wide, I notice.

Other observations. Heather, who has the tea wagon at the turn, sells life-saving hot soups and smiles at frozen golfers, she is a national treasure. And the final point, despite what you see on television, St Andrews Old Course is not flat, the gorse is very sharp , and there are bunkers you could hide a Centurion tank in. These bunkers also have some form of magnetic attraction to small white objects, honest.

And so back to Wednesday.

After a splendid meal on the previous night at the Craws Nest, Anstruther, we returned to St Andrews to play the course the correct way round.

I, and others, travelled the tourist route that day, lost a couple of balls, found three (gorse bushes again) and visited the tea wagon, got chivvied along by the marshal and damn near froze to death. As to my card, that is between me and my maker, although I am quite pleased with it. As an experience it was wonderful, as a feat of golf it was not. Would I do it again, just try and stop me.

And next time I see one of the names on TV playing the Old Course I will be able to comment to anyone within earshot about my own recollections of that hole and how best to play it. Oh Bliss.

Thanks to all concerned for making it such a memorable few days, especially Neil.The rest of you know who you are.

Links

www.standrews.org.uk
www.crawsnesthotel.co.uk
www.scottishgolfistory.net